Domestic violence or abuse includes physical, emotional and sexual abuse in couple relationships or between family members. Domestic violence can happen against anyone, and anybody can be an abuser.
Anyone can be a victim of domestic abuse, regardless of gender, age, ethnicity, socio-economic status, sexuality or background.
Domestic abuse as an incident or pattern of incidents of controlling, coercive, threatening, degrading and violent behaviour, including sexual violence, in the majority of cases by a partner or ex-partner, but also by a family member or carer. It is very common.
Am I in an abusive relationship?
Everyone has arguments, and everyone disagrees with their partners, family members and others close to them from time to time. And we all do things at times that we regret, and which cause unhappiness to those we care about. But if this begins to form a consistent pattern, then it is an indication of domestic violence and abuse.
Emotional abuse
Does your partner, or former partner, ever:
Threats and intimidation
Does your partner, or former partner, ever:
Physical abuse
The person abusing you may hurt you in a number of ways.
Does your partner, or former partner, ever:
Sexual abuse
Sexual abuse can happen to anyone, whether they’re male or female.
Does your partner, or former partner, ever:
If your partner, or former partner, has sex with you when you don’t want to, this is rape.
If you think you may be in an abusive relationship, there is help available.
What is coercive control?
Coercive control is an act or a pattern of acts of assault, threats, humiliation and intimidation or other abuse that is used to harm, punish, or frighten their victim.
This controlling behaviour makes a person dependent by isolating them from support, exploiting them, depriving them of independence and regulating their everyday behaviour.
How do you know if this is happening to you?
Some common examples of coercive behaviour are:
What is financial abuse?
Financial abuse is an aspect of ‘coercive control’ – a pattern of controlling, threatening and degrading behaviours that restricts someones freedom.
It’s important to understand that financial abuse doesn’t usually happen in isolation. In most cases abusers use other behaviours to threaten and reinforce the financial abuse.
Financial abuse can leave someone with no money for basic living essentials such as food and clothing. It can even leave them without access to their own bank accounts, with no access to any independent income and with debts that have been built up by abusive partners set against their names. Even when a survivor has left the home, financial control can still be exerted by the abuser for example through child maintenance.
Financial manipulation can deprive women of the material means needed for independence, resistance and escape.
What is stalking?
Stalking is when a person becomes fixated or obsessed with another person.
Stalking is a persistent pattern of unwanted attention from someone that makes you feel pestered, scared, anxious or harassed. Some examples of stalking are:
Some of the behaviours may seem like small acts, but together they make up a consistent pattern of behaviour that is frightening and upsetting. Stalking is a criminal offence, if you report it to the police they will take it seriously.
How should I talk to my children about abuse?
Talking to children about what’s going on can help them to feel less powerless, confused and angry. Below is some advice to help you.
Do talk to your children – and listen to them. Most children will welcome the opportunity to acknowledge the abuse and to talk about what they are feeling.
Try to be honest about the situation – without frightening them, in an age appropriate manner. Reassure them that the abuse is not their fault and that they are not responsible for the adult behaviours they are experiencing.
Explain to them that abuse is wrong and that it does not solve problems. Remember, your children will naturally trust you – try not to break that trust by directly lying to them.
Encourage your children to talk about their hopes and feelings. You could do this perhaps by doing an activity together, or encouraging them to draw or write about what is happening and how they feel about it. Your child’s teacher may be able to help you with this. It is normal for children to wait until they feel safe and are no longer in the violent environment before they start to talk about their feelings.
Teach them how to get emergency help. Show them how to dial 999 but make sure they are aware that they are not responsible for protecting you if you are being attacked.
Praise them. Help to boost their self-esteem by regularly giving them praise, attention and affection.
Ask for help. Demonstrate that asking for help is a good thing – do it yourself so your children can see there is nothing to be ashamed of. You may believe it is best for your children if you try to keep the family together in order to provide the security of a home. However, children will feel more secure and will be safer living with one parent in a stable environment than with two parents when the environment is unstable and abusive.
I feel I am in immediate danger - what should I do?
If you are in immediate danger, call 999 and ask for the police.
If you are in danger and unable to talk on the phone, call 999 and listen to the questions from the operator and if possible, respond by coughing or tapping the head set.
If prompted, press 55 and this will transfer your call to the police.
Pressing 55 only works on mobiles and does not allow police to track your location.
If only background noise can be heard and operators cannot decide whether an emergency service is needed, then you will be connected to a police call handler.
If you replace the handset, the landline may remain connected for 45 seconds in case you pick up again.
When 999 calls are made from landlines, information about your location should be automatically available to the call handlers to help provide a response.
You can register with the emergencySMS service. Text REGISTER to 999. You will get a text which tells you what to do next. Do this when it is safe so you can text when you are in danger.
There are some basic steps that you can take to help you give support to a friend, family member, colleague, neighbour or anyone you know who confides in you about domestic abuse.
If you are worried someone is being abused or is abusing, let them know you’ve noticed something is wrong.
How you can help
It is important to show how concerned you are and tell them that you are worried about them.
Looking after yourself while helping someone
Looking after yourself while you are supporting someone through such a difficult and emotional time is hugely important. Ensure that you do not put yourself into a dangerous situation; for example, do not offer to talk to the abuser about your friend or let yourself be seen by the abuser as a threat to their relationship.
What to do if you think someone is in immediate danger
If you are with someone or you believe someone is in immediate danger, call 999 and ask for the police.
If you feel you are also in danger and unable to talk on the phone, call 999 and listen to the questions from the operator and if possible, respond by coughing or tapping the head set.
Call 999 from a mobile
If prompted, press 55 to Make Yourself Heard and this will transfer your call to the police.
Pressing 55 only works on mobiles and does not allow police to track your location.
Call 999 from a landline
If only background noise can be heard and operators cannot decide whether an emergency service is needed, then you will be connected to a police call handler.
If you replace the handset, the landline may remain connected for 45 seconds in case you pick up again.
When 999 calls are made from landlines, information about your location should be automatically available to the call handlers to help provide a response.
If you are deaf or can’t verbally communicate
You can register with the emergencySMS service. Text REGISTER to 999. You will get a text which tells you what to do next. Do this when it is safe so you can text when you are in danger.
Apna Haq
01709 519212
info@apnahaq.org.uk
The Spectrum, Coke Hill, Rotherham, S60 2HX
Apna Haq exists to support black and minority ethnic (BME) women and girls in Rotherham, South Yorkshire who are experiencing any form of violence.
Ask for ANI (Action Needed Immediately)
The Ask for ‘ANI’ (Action Needed Immediately) code word scheme has been developed to provide a discreet way for victims of domestic abuse to signal that they need emergency help and access support from the safety of their local pharmacy.
Participating Pharmacies:
Boots – Rotherham District General Hospital
Moorgate Road, Rotherham, S60 2UD
Boots – Rotherham Effingham Street
42-46 Effingham Street, Rotherham, S65 1AL
Boots – Herringthorpe Valley Road
Rotherham, S60 4LA
Boots – Rotherham Retail World
Stadium Way, S60 1TG
Rotherham Abuse Counselling Service
01709 835482
info@rothacs.org.uk
Rotherham Abuse Counselling Service
38 Moorgate Road, Rotherham, S60 2AG
Provides FREE specialist counselling for women, men and young people who have experienced abuse at any time in their life. People can refer themselves to the service, and can be referred from other agencies.
Rotherham Women’s Refuge
Accommodation service: 0870 850 2247
All other services: 0844 225 4411
24hr national domestic violence helpline: 0808 2000247
enquiries@rothwr.co.uk
PO Box 769, Rotherham, S60 9JJ
Provide a range of support services for women and children who have been affected by domestic violence and abuse, including:
Rotherham Rise
Confidential advice line: 0330 202 0571
Accommodation services: 0870 850 2247
enquiries@rotherhamrise.org.uk
18 High Street, Rotherham, S60 1PP
Rotherham Rise, PO Box 769, Rotherham, S60 9JJ
Providing help and support for survivors of domestic abuse and sexual exploitation. Hygge café in Rotherham Town Centre.
Safe Spaces
UK SAYS NO MORE is working with Boots UK, Superdrug pharmacies, Morrison’s pharmacies and independent pharmacies across the UK to provide Safe Spaces in their consultation rooms for people experiencing Domestic Abuse.
How to access a Safe Space:
Town centre Safe Spaces:
SUPERDRUG ROTHERHAM
12 Howard Street, Cascade Centre, Rotherham, Yorkshire. S60 1QN
Telephone: 01709 820343
BOOTS ROTHERHAM
42-46 Effingham, Rotherham, S65 1AL
BOOTS – PARKGATE RETAIL WORLD
Stadium Way, Rotherham, S60 1TG
Telephone: 01709 780597
MORRISONS PARKGATE
Morrisons, Stadium Way – Retail World, Parkgate, S60 1TG
Telephone: 01709 780363
Boots – Rotherham District General Hospital
Moorgate Road, Rotherham, S60 2UD
Telephone: 01709 837930
Samaritans
Tel: 116 123 – free from any phone
Tel: 0330 094 5717 – local call charges apply
Jo@samaritans.org
22 Percy Street, Rotherham, S65 1ED
Monday: 11:30am–9pm
Tuesday: 3pm–9pm
Wednesday: 11:30am–3pm
Thursday: 3pm–9pm
Sunday: 5pm–9pm
Provides support for those in distress or struggling to cope. Available 24 hours 7 days a week.
South Yorkshire Police
101
In an emergency, call 999
You can report domestic abuse to the South Yorkshire Police by calling 101 or 999 in an emergency, or tell a family member, friend or neighbour. Many abusers rely on silence so they can continue the abuse.
If you are worried about a loved one or someone you know, report it to us. We will listen. SY Police take all reports of domestic abuse very seriously. We are committed to protecting the lives of both adult and child victims of domestic abuse, to investigate all reports effectively, to bring offenders to justice and hold them accountable for their actions.
Hygge café
Hygge café
18A, High Street, Rotherham, S60 1PP
Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, Fridays & Saturdays: 8.30am till 6.30pm
Sundays: CLOSED
Regular events promoted on Facebook
Hygge is part of the charity Rotherham Rise, providing support to women, men and children affected by domestic abuse and child exploitation. Run by Rotherham Rise, providing a space where families and communities can come together.
Inspire to Change
01142 567 270
inspiretochange@probation.sodexogov.co.uk
Unit 5, Amberley Court, 103 Effingham Street, Rotherham, S65 1BL
Inspire to Change has been designed to help participants learn new skills and find ways to manage and control their abusive behaviour. It encourages participants to think and behave more positively to prevent harm to their partner, children and family in the future. Inspire to Change can also provide support and advice to help address wider issues linked to abusive behaviour such as addiction problems, debt and unemployment.
Women’s Aid
Women’s Aid is the national charity working to end domestic abuse against women and children. The Survivor’s Handbook is a resource for people experiencing domestic violence. The handbook comprises short sections covering every aspect of seeking help and support, and includes information on how to help a friend who is experiencing domestic violence and safety planning.
Refuge / National Domestic Violence Helpline
0808 2000 247
Refuge’s specialist services include refuges, independent advocacy, community outreach projects, culturally specific services and the 24 hour National Domestic Abuse Helpline.
ManKind Initiative
01823 334244 (weekdays 10am–4pm)
Confidential helpline for male victims of domestic abuse and domestic violence. Services include:
Men’s Advice Line
0808 801 0327
info@mensadviceline.org.uk
Web chat available
Monday: 9am–8pm
Tuesday: 9am– 5pm
Wednesday: 9am–8pm
Thursday: 9am–5pm
Friday: 9am–5pm
Men’s Advice Line is a confidential helpline, email and webchat service for male victims of domestic abuse. They offer advice and emotional support to men who experience abuse, and signpost to other vital services that help men keep themselves (and their children) safe.
NSPCC
0808 800 5000
help@nspcc.org.uk
The NSPCC works to protect children today and prevent abuse from happening tomorrow. If you’re worried about a child, even if you’re unsure, contact our helpline to speak to one of our counsellors.
Childline
0800 1111
or contact Childline online
A free, private and confidential service where you can talk about anything. Whatever your worry, whenever you need help, we’re here for you online, on the phone, anytime. Childline can be contacted 24/7.
Galop – National LGBT+ Domestic Abuse Helpline
0800 999 5428
help@galop.org.uk
Galop is the UK’s only specialist LGBT+ anti-violence charity who provide advice, support and advocacy to people who have experienced hate crime, domestic abuse and sexual violence. Galop is an independent organisation, services are confidential and free.
Respect – help for domestic abuse perpetrators
0808 802 4040
info@respectphoneline.org.uk
Respect Phoneline is a team of friendly Advisors who will listen to you without judgment and offer you honest advice to help you stop using violent and abusive behaviours.
SignHealth
SignHealth provides domestic abuse service support for deaf people in British Sign Language (BSL).
Telephone: 020 3947 2601
Text/WhatsApp/Facetime: 07970 350366
Email: da@signhealth.org.uk
Bright Sky is a free to download mobile app, launched in partnership with the Vodafone Foundation, providing support and information to anyone who may be in an abusive relationship or those concerned about someone they know.
HealthUnlocked is the world’s largest social network for health. Find and connect with people with a similar health condition. The service has over 700 online communities focused on health and wellbeing topics.
The NHS App gives you a simple and secure way to access a range of NHS services on your smartphone or tablet.
You can use the app if you are aged 13 or over. You must be registered with an NHS GP surgery in England or the Isle of Man. You can also log in through the NHS website on a computer to use NHS App services.
